Dont Let Failure Go To Your Head

I watched as an 8-year-old All-Star slid dramatically into second base. Yet the umpire gave the dreaded signal, "Out!" The crowd yelled, "That's OK. Way to hustle! Great try!"

Another little fellow swings the bat with all the power he can muster?three times without hitting the ball. Each time, the fans encouraged, "Good swing! Now just pick out a good one and make contact! Watch it over. You can do it!" Then the strike-out. "That's OK, man. Next time."

I eavesdroppped as one of the coaches talked to my grandson Joseph's team, who had just lost their second in the double elimination tournament. "We have nothing to be ashamed of. You guys played hard and you played well. The other team just played a little better this time. You're gonna keep practicing and next year, you'll come back and you'll be great!"

I was impressed as Steven, another coach, modeled for his young protégés the responsibility he was trying to teach. In front of the whole team, he apologized to Adam for his own mistake in signaling the boy to run on to third base in a play that resulted in an out. He didn't want the young man to blame himself for something that wasn't his fault.

Maybe you're thinking, "Of course, we tell them those things. We don't want them to get discouraged. We want them to keep trying and not give up."

Exactly.

We instinctively know what we need to do the keep these little guys motivated and encouraged.

(Most of us, that is. Unfortunately, in the last few years of attending these games, I have heard occasionally heard some children being subjected to loud, harsh criticism from insensitive parents. I admit I was savoring the idea of punching them out when I was deterred by picturing the next day's headlines in the Hattiesburg American!)

HOW DO YOU TALK TO YOURSELF?

You know how to encourage others. But do you do as well with yourself? Do you know how to keep yourself encouraged in the face of failure and setbacks? Take this short quiz.

1. When you make a mistake, do you ever talk to yourself harshly and judgmentally, like this? "You idiot! Can't you do anything right? You should have known better."

Think about it. What if you had a spouse or a boss that talked to you this way? How would this affect your performance? Your morale? Your confidence?

Why not use more encouraging words to yourself, like the fans to the Little Leaguers? Talk to yourself about the effort you made, the little ways that your most recent try showed improvement over the last, and the things you learned from the failed attempt.

2. Do you ever generalize from a specific performance failure to seeing yourself as a general failure?

In other words, you didn't fail that test. You're a failure as a student. You didn't lose that contract. You're a dud as a salesperson.

Change that! Talk to yourself about the specific situation. Don't overgeneralize.

3. When you don't accomplish what you had hoped, do you tell yourself, "This is always the way it is for me?"

In other words, do you view the failure as a never-ending pattern?

Challenge that hope-robbing perspective. If you are to keep hope and keep trying, you must see your failures as temporary. Get to work and find out how you can do better next time.

4. Do you make yourself responsible for things over which you have no control?

Recognize your human limits. Others make their own choices about what they do, despite your best efforts. There are very real conditions that impact your success at a task, no matter how skillfully and diligently you try. Take responsibility for doing your best, but be realistic about what you can control and what you can't.

BE YOUR BEST FRIEND

If you have trouble changing the habit of talking negatively to yourself, here's another tool you can use. Imagine that your best friend were telling you about the situation you're in, and that the words being used were self-berating?like yours. What would you say to him or her? How would you encourage him or her to find the best in the situation and keep trying?

See?you do know how to do it. Now, do that for yourself.If you aren't your own best friend, who will be?

Dr. Bev Smallwood is a psychologist who has worked with organizations across the globe for over 20 years. Her high-energy, high-content, high-involvement Magnetic Workplaces (r) programs provide dozens of practical strategies and skills that can be put to work immediately to:

Review a complete list of her programs available for your convention or corporate meeting at the website, www.MagneticWorkplaces.com

Hartford Courant

Motivate Students, And Achievement Follows Hartford Courant But among the ideas that have been advanced so far, one central question goes largely unanswered: "What must we do to ensure that every student is personally engaged in learning and motivated to produce quality work in school?" Without a robust answer ... and more »

Seymour wrestling trio has three times the motivation to get to state Green Bay Press Gazette Despite their accolades, all three returned this season with motivation to improve on their junior campaigns and hunt down the program's first individual state championship since 1986 when Paul Leisgang won Seymour's lone state crown at 98 pounds. and more »

Miesha Tate is motivated to bring the fight to 'delusional' Ronda Rousey MMAmania.com Anything that she says is motivation, definitely." Everyone knows Rousey has ridiculous judo, jiu-jitsu and submission skills. Tate comes from a wrestling background, but she believes it's more than just her wrestling that gives her the edge: "That's ... and more »

Contract won't dampen Sandoval's motivation MLB.com Management's obvious alternative would have been to sign Sandoval to one-year deals for each of the next three seasons, using the salary arbitration process as a -- pardon the cliche -- carrot on a stick to motivate the switch-hitter. and more »

Bleacher Report

MMA: Condit wants to be Top Chef of UFC OCRegister Condit's wife gave birth to their son, Owen, in March 2010, which has created new motivation for Condit. “It can be difficult,” Condit said. “I mean, I think anybody who has kids knows. They can be a challenge, but it's awesome. My son is my world. UFC 143 Results: Will St-Pierre Be Motivated for a Fight Against Condit?Bleacher Report GSP Joins 'UFC Tonight' on Fuel TV: January 31, 2012Yahoo! Sports Monday Water Cooler: Looking Back at UFC 143Heavy.com Toronto Sun all 1,314 news articles »

Lewiston Sun Journal

Student musicians are motivated Lewiston Sun Journal RUMFORD — Many parents struggle to motivate teenagers to do homework, clean their rooms or do their chores. Not so when it comes to creating music. Talented students at Mountain Valley High School spend hours practicing and preparing for performances.

Lifesite

Obama: Jesus is motivation behind health care agenda Lifesite “But in my moments of prayer, I'm reminded that faith and values play an enormous role in motivating us to solve some of our most urgent problem.” In particular, he noted, “when I talk about making sure insurance companies aren't discriminating against ... and more »

Daily News & Analysis

Boullier: Raikkonen fully motivated The Press Association Lotus team principal Eric Boullier has been left in no doubt as to Kimi Raikkonen's motivation following his return to Formula One. Raikkonen's comeback after two years away from the sport, during which time he predominantly competed in the World Rally ... Kimi Raikkonen says motivation has never been an issue with himDaily News & Analysis Raikkonen: Motivation never an issueYahoo! Eurosport UK Kimi Raikkonen dismisses motivation questionsESPN F1 Telegraph.co.uk all 223 news articles »

Doubters motivate former Purdue star Ninkovich Journal and Courier More motivation for me." When Ninkovich and the New England Patriots faced the Baltimore Ravens in the Jan. 22 AFC Championship game, Ninkovich couldn't help but glance at the opposing team's sideline where Cameron stood as the Ravens' offensive ... and more »

Telegraph.co.uk

Pakistan v England: Misbah ul-Haq and Mohsin Khan sweep away the past as they ... Telegraph.co.uk Being sentenced to exile since March 2009 has proved a motivation to Pakistan so far. In Dubai, the several hundred Pakistan supporters made the noise of several thousands; but, sooner or later, exile will demoralise rather than motivate. 3rd Test: England's nightmare continuesThe Express Tribune all 1,351 news articles »